Thursday, January 28, 2010

saying goodbye...


Yesterday, we said goodbye to a friend.


A friend who was only 43 years old.


A friend who has a wife and 4 children.


A friend whom we will dearly miss.


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Scott and Jeremy have known each other for over 15 years. Their friendship began when JP worked for Scott - actually, JP worked for Scott, Scott's dad, and Scott's brother at various times. Needless to say, he learned a lot from the Higbe family.


Scott has been sick for the last few years - he was on dialysis and awaiting a kidney and pancreas transplant. About a week and a half ago Scott received the blessing of a new kidney, but unfortunately, the kidney did not work like it was supposed to, and Scott passed away on Saturday.


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Death is never easy. For anyone. I know this.


And I've always struggled tremendously with the loss of someone special. But it seems when you lose a friend, as opposed to a grandparent or older person, it's a different kind of sad.


Disclaimer: I'm going to be very honest with my next thoughts.


I believe very strongly in God, and I have total trust and faith for what happens after we (as Christians) die, but then there's that human part of me - my emotions, my heart.


I know that God has a plan for all of us, and I know that we are not to question His plan, but over the past few days I continually found myself wondering WHY?

Why Scott?

Why so young?

Why did Heather have to lose her husband?

Why did those children have to lose their father?

Why did his parents have to lose their son?

Why....well, you get the picture.


I've done A LOT of praying about this - that God would not only give peace and comfort to Scott's family, but that He would give me peace and comfort and understanding.


As I sat down at Scott's funeral, I said a quick prayer for the family and then I sat there, waiting for the service to begin.


My mind wandered a bit, and if I'm being honest, the only thought I had for those few moments was:

Thank you God. Thank you for allowing me to sit on this pew, with my husbands arms wrapped around me. Thank you for blessing me with him. Thank you for giving us one more day together.


When I realized what I was thinking, I immediately felt guilty.

Now, I know that it's not wrong for me to be thankful for my husband. In fact, I'm usually not thankful enough when it comes to him, but I guess the fact that we were sitting at someones funeral, whose wife just lost her husband and would probably give anything to have him sitting there with her, is what made me feel bad.


I cannot fathom the loss she feels.

I cannot imagine the emptiness inside of her.

I cannot figure out how her life will go on.

Then I remember she is not doing this alone.

She has a loving God who will help her through this - who will give her strength beyond anything she has probably ever experienced before.

She is not alone.

We are not alone.


And that is something that can never be taken away!


While we are still very sad over the loss of Scott, I have the comfort I prayed for. I know that Scott lived the life God planned for him to live. And while it may seem like it was a short life to us, we are never promised tomorrow.

The following are two of the scriptures that were read at his funeral. When I heard them read, it was almost instant comfort:

'The Lord watches over the strangers;
He relieves the fatherless and widow;
But the way of the wicked He turns upside down.'
Psalm 146:9


And one of my favorite Psalms:

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.

Psalm 23

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

BEAUTIFUL AMANDA YOU HAVE SUCH A LOVING TENDAR HEART.
OF COURSE IT IS HARD TO UNDERSTAND SCOTTS LEAVING US. HOWEVER, THE DAMAGE TO HIS BODY HAPPENED YEARS AGO WHEN PROBABLY DEATH AND ILLNESS WERE FAR FROM HIS MIND.
I TOO HAVE CRIED MANY TEARS FOR HIM. I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER I NEVER SAW HIM THAT HE WASN'T SMILING.
I USED TO THINK THAT SOMEDAY I WOULD KNOW ALL THE ANSWERES I HAD QUESTIONS ABOUT SOMEDAY. THEN I REALIZED IN HEAVEN THERE IS NO PAIN SO FOR THIS LIFE ONLY I FEEL SORROWS AND HURT FOR HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN. GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF THE REST.
YOU ARE AN AMAZING YOUN WOMAN. I AM SO BLESSED THAT YOU HAVE MADE OUR FAMILY COMPLETE BY YOUR LOVE FOR MY SON WHO ADORES YOU.
LIFE OFFERS MANY HEARTACHES BUT LIKE YOU I KNOW GOD LOVES US AND OH WHAT A BLESSING HE GAVE ME ON SEPTEMBER 24,2008 AND NOVEMBER 13, 2009.
THANK YOU FOR HELPING SO MANY OF MY DREAMS COME TRUE.
BECCA, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. GOD HAS CHOSEN TWO VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE FOR YOUR PARENTS.
AFTER ALL THEY DO "LIGHT UP MY LIFE"
ILY,
M